I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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