im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Damn victory sex feels great
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
