shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
