dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
