Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wish my penis had a tongue
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You're like the curious george of whores
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
