The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
