His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
