Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
