I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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