i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
