There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
