So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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