i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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