Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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