I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
this is an emotional support booty call
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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