I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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