We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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