Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
