you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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