What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
