That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
