I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
