Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
