just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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