I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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