My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
