He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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