After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
