in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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