I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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