Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
