you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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