Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
