Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
