i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
