I just saw a hot homeless man
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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