worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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