I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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