So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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