Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
