I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
