How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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