oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
