She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
