so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize