She is in my trunk
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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