at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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