i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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