i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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