first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
