I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
