I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize