I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
