I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
