you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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