I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
