She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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