I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
