U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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