I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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