I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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