She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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