The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
