No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
