O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
