I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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