Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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