If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well you can't waste a boner
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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