there's paper in my vomit.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize