My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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