I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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