How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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